Actually I'm... good... pretty much. It really didn't hit me too hard, mostly because it was handed to me in little bits along the way before the final blow.
But then it gets complicated. We still see each other... just went to the movies last night as a matter of fact. And we've done things steadily during the last couple of weeks, only now there is no hope in my head that it is going anywhere so I have a very "I can take it or leave it" attitude, which sucks. I miss the butterflies. I was really enjoying starting to fall for someone. Sucks that now my days can be counted on to just be normal and blah, which isn't so bad, but still...
For her it's the same as it always was, she constantly labeled us as "just friends" (although there was definitely more going on, something that's she's admitted to twice). The real frustration lies in the fact that she refuses to admit or accept that just because you label a relationship as one thing doesn't change the reality of the feelings involved. So, she can say we were just friends, but one of us was feeling *way* more than that (and flatly stated that on more than one occasion) and the other was also feeling something... she just wouldn't admit it.
We aren't going to be friends long term, every time I see the ring on her finger it makes me bitter. I don't act upon it or anything, I'm actually just as nice and fun for her to be around as always, but it's hard to ignore the sting.
It *has* served to take a lot of the pep out of my step in terms of my social life. I really don't have much interest in going out these days. It made it clear (once again) that all the effort is wasted and it's more productive to just stay home and follow creative pursuits.
Working on lots of music, playing a bunch and getting ready to get some things recorded. So, if nothing else, it will hopefully serve as inspiration for more pretty art.
She asked me some questions that leave me wondering. She was clarifying conversations we had about our long term desires. It makes me wonder why it would matter if her mind is made up, but I don't linger on it. That leads to hope and hope is a horrible thing. I don't think she's 100% sure about marrying the guy, but I'm not about to invest myself in an emotional tug-of-war at the risk of getting hurt really badly. All that will do is serve to feed her ego. Once she said "yes" to him she decided to give up me and all the fun/happiness I bring, plain and simple. She'll have to accept that.
Thanks for asking. As for my head, it's fine. I'm actually really surprised at how I managed to let it go without too much self destructive drama. I know that the show has helped (wish I had *that* years ago), at least that's something I can always count on. Did you get my pic of the rainbow of happiness? Heheh.
I'm proud of you! (For lack of a better term.) I'm so glad that you're doing okay. I don't want to say that I was "worried" about you, but I just want you to be okay if not great, you know? We all have to and can deal with disappointment; not that it's a welcomed friend, but....well, that's life. I am really happy to hear that you're doing so well with it all; comparatively. See, you did learn something! :~)
I did get the picture! I have to admit I am so jealous! I want a few of those so badly! I haven't been able to have any for almost a year, and it's been well over a year since I've been to the show. I miss it terribly! It used to be a vacation from the all the stress and 'ugliness' and the stress has increased immensely over the last five weeks. Mostly with the older one adjusting to the new one. Yes, I'm talking about the kids. Anyway, point being....I NEED A FUCKING VACATION! I NEED A TRIP TO THE SHOW!!!! Whew, that felt great!
Listening to the track now...
And just so you know...I like house/trance etc. But in small doses or while I'm at the show!
I like it! I can't wait to hear the final cut! Please let me know when you finish it!
Wow! Are you really THAT pissed at me?! I haven't heard from you in a really long while....wanna tell me what I did? Surely it's not only that I asked you not to text me in the middle of the night.....
5 comments:
Ok, so are we back on our feet again? Have we moved on, or where are we now? What's happening inside our head???
Actually I'm... good... pretty much. It really didn't hit me too hard, mostly because it was handed to me in little bits along the way before the final blow.
But then it gets complicated. We still see each other... just went to the movies last night as a matter of fact. And we've done things steadily during the last couple of weeks, only now there is no hope in my head that it is going anywhere so I have a very "I can take it or leave it" attitude, which sucks. I miss the butterflies. I was really enjoying starting to fall for someone. Sucks that now my days can be counted on to just be normal and blah, which isn't so bad, but still...
For her it's the same as it always was, she constantly labeled us as "just friends" (although there was definitely more going on, something that's she's admitted to twice). The real frustration lies in the fact that she refuses to admit or accept that just because you label a relationship as one thing doesn't change the reality of the feelings involved. So, she can say we were just friends, but one of us was feeling *way* more than that (and flatly stated that on more than one occasion) and the other was also feeling something... she just wouldn't admit it.
We aren't going to be friends long term, every time I see the ring on her finger it makes me bitter. I don't act upon it or anything, I'm actually just as nice and fun for her to be around as always, but it's hard to ignore the sting.
It *has* served to take a lot of the pep out of my step in terms of my social life. I really don't have much interest in going out these days. It made it clear (once again) that all the effort is wasted and it's more productive to just stay home and follow creative pursuits.
Working on lots of music, playing a bunch and getting ready to get some things recorded. So, if nothing else, it will hopefully serve as inspiration for more pretty art.
She asked me some questions that leave me wondering. She was clarifying conversations we had about our long term desires. It makes me wonder why it would matter if her mind is made up, but I don't linger on it. That leads to hope and hope is a horrible thing. I don't think she's 100% sure about marrying the guy, but I'm not about to invest myself in an emotional tug-of-war at the risk of getting hurt really badly. All that will do is serve to feed her ego. Once she said "yes" to him she decided to give up me and all the fun/happiness I bring, plain and simple. She'll have to accept that.
Thanks for asking. As for my head, it's fine. I'm actually really surprised at how I managed to let it go without too much self destructive drama. I know that the show has helped (wish I had *that* years ago), at least that's something I can always count on. Did you get my pic of the rainbow of happiness? Heheh.
So, I'm good. Disappointed, but not surprised.
And, as an example of what I've been working on... here's a *very* rough mix of an idea that I've been playing with.
Yes, it's trancey/housey, but that's where I'm at so you'll just have to deal. :P
This is just a rough pass and it's nowhere near finished, but I think it's pretty... especially the sounds during the last third.
http://lwt.malagraphixia.com/downloads/life_without_tiffany_-_Spun_(The_Parisian_Mix).mp3
I'm proud of you! (For lack of a better term.) I'm so glad that you're doing okay. I don't want to say that I was "worried" about you, but I just want you to be okay if not great, you know? We all have to and can deal with disappointment; not that it's a welcomed friend, but....well, that's life.
I am really happy to hear that you're doing so well with it all; comparatively. See, you did learn something! :~)
I did get the picture! I have to admit I am so jealous! I want a few of those so badly! I haven't been able to have any for almost a year, and it's been well over a year since I've been to the show. I miss it terribly! It used to be a vacation from the all the stress and 'ugliness' and the stress has increased immensely over the last five weeks. Mostly with the older one adjusting to the new one. Yes, I'm talking about the kids.
Anyway, point being....I NEED A FUCKING VACATION! I NEED A TRIP TO THE SHOW!!!! Whew, that felt great!
Listening to the track now...
And just so you know...I like house/trance etc. But in small doses or while I'm at the show!
I like it! I can't wait to hear the final cut! Please let me know when you finish it!
Wow! Are you really THAT pissed at me?! I haven't heard from you in a really long while....wanna tell me what I did? Surely it's not only that I asked you not to text me in the middle of the night.....
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