"everyone needs a place"
I decided to create this spot to be able to say the things I want to say from time to time. The logistics of communication isn't always easy, so perhaps this will make it possible for me to say what I want and for you to read it when you have the time. Plus you can always comment back.
* I will say up front that I know I'll over-romanticize things here, that I'll overlook the reality which is that we ended up exactly where we should have, exactly where we would have no matter what either of us had done differently back then. But I also know that although we've become very different I remember vividly the short period where we were very much alike, which can't be denied. Hours of laughter, conversation, practically finishing each other's thoughts and having to force the nights to end. When I think of us I sometimes wonder who each of us would have become if we hadn't been apart all this time. But that's the part which makes me sad, so I don't linger there.
It's funny, because I'll go through periods where we never really come to mind much. Not that it's forgotten or doesn't matter anymore, but rather I seem to have very little time to just sit and let my thoughts wander, so something specific usually has to bring you to mind.
Then there will be other periods where the memory of us seems to be everywhere. Songs, images, places, etc. pile up and I sometimes spend days missing you.
Odd things bring it to life. This will sound stupid, but the taste of Vanilla Coke is a powerful reminder. Coke had just released their official version when we met. I remember us even talking about it, comparing our thoughts after trying it (separately) for the first time. I ended up drinking it frequently during that period. Then not so much. And now it's off the market.
Anytime I get one from Sonic (not an official Coke version, but still very similar) it makes things very reminiscent of those early summer days.
So, I got your message. Actually getting back to you is impossible as always, so I'll leave this for you here... with a question:
What was on your mind to make you send me those two words? You've read the way I remember that night and the details I hold on to. Your eyes, your lips, my tears and the first time I uttered the words.
What were you thinking about that made you smile and then take a moment to send the thought to me, with kisses and hugs attached?
VNV Nation - Beloved
"my beloved do you know
when the warm wind comes again
another year will start to pass?
and please don't ask me why I'm here
something deeper brought me
than a need to remember"
3 comments:
I have passed by our 'version' of the same place a few times and everytime it sends me back in time with a fierce jolt. For a slpit second, I am there with you again. And, this time I decided to take you back with me. Or at least attempt it, in hopes it would bring a smile to your face...
It did. :)
And I understand. I'm sure I've told you before that was one of the hardest things about me staying here after you had left, especially after we were no longer a couple. I was surrounded by all of these places that were very recently wrapped up in memories of us. I referred to it as "Home Field Disadvantage" at the time. You were out there, so you weren't passing everyday by the actual places where events had taken place, but I couldn't seem to get away from them.
I guess something else I never thought about, but realize now is probably the reason I let go of most of my friends from that period as well, they were just parts of the reminder. I guess that's the good thing about me moving down here soon after we parted, it put some distance between me and the reminders.
Now when I visit and go to those places (like my favorite Italian restaurant) I smile at the memory but think "Damn, I remember having a better time here once before" :)
Like you said, memories of us come and go. Some have more emotions attached to them then others, but once in a while one will come to mind for no apparent reason and all but litterally knock me on my ass LOL. You have always been so special to me, and will continue to be for a very, very long time. How strange, don't you think? As you've stated before, we don't even know each other anymore. The only link between us is our memories of a very special time in our lives. And yet, from time to time we both seek each other out to reminisce together instead of in private. You have always been very comforting and soothing to me. Anytime that I hear from you, esp. when I'm stressed out, you take me on a mini vacation that I'm SO greatful for!!!
I hope we're friends forever J...you are so special to me. Please don't ever forget that...
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