I realized this weekend that it's been 5 years since we were "us". It's always odd when you can look back and then put a number on the time that has passed and it's bigger than you would have expected. I remember that feeling the first time I realized that I could remember things that happened 20 years ago, or friends that I've known for 20 years. It doesn't feel that way at all. My mom said that even though she is in her late 50's she still feels that way, apparently it never goes away. You never feel as old as you are, you always feel like you're in your early 20's... on the inside anyway.
This time of year always has me thinking back more than usual. It was actually right around this week that things were starting to happen for us back then.
I came across this today as I was cruising through the morning news articles:
Summer Sights in the Sky
Not as good as when we saw all 5 (plus the moon) but it's the same.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see you again. You say you hope we will remain friends forever and I think we will. I know I'll always come back to memories of that summer because no matter how happy or sad I am, it's hard not to feel good when remembering the soft warmth of the world around me in those days. So I'm sure I'll think back to that period from time to time as long as I live.
A friend told me this week that his father is having a rough time fighting cancer. I thought about what I would do if I found out my time was limited. What things would I want to get done while I still could? I would definitely want to see you again, so I would make that happen.
It wouldn't make sense in the midst of normal daily life but spending another evening smiling at you from across a restaurant table would be on the short list of things to do if time were a factor. If how I spent every minute were vitally important then using up a few hours that way would be a good investment.
The odd thing is, I know how I see you now, the changes I can see in you (at least from the brief glimpses I get of who you are now). What I really wonder is what you would see differently in me. I wonder if I'm more positive, more cynical, less romantic, less idealistic, happier, more self-assured... or the opposite of all those... or exactly the same?
VNV Nation - Standing Still
"It wasn't you it wasn't me it wasn't anyone.
It was a day so long awaited and a chance to be as me.
I let the wind run through my hands
as I turned to walk away.
In distant days I long to sense it all so clear.
And fighting time so hard I pray
that this moment lasts forever.
And will the world stay standing still at least for me?"
1 comment:
My Dearest,
It's funny. You have always painted me in such a light that I am always afraid that I will disappoint...even more so today then back then. It is my own feelings toward you that causes this fear; but I have never been able to be anyone other than myself. And that was always enough for you. (At least is was then.)
You are so eloquent. Intellectual. Kind. Funny. And ever so sweet.
You are quite beautiful...quite extraordinary...and I am so lucky to have experienced you. My Dearest.
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