First, I'd like to say that I know how obnoxious it is to listen to other people's dreams and I'm guilty of being the least patient person in the world when it comes to that, so I apologize for posts like this in advance.
I have no idea why you showed up in my sleep last night. I guess you're in my mind as much as ever but this was sort of surprising.
You called me out of the blue and were telling me that I needed to make plans to come see you. You were saying it like it was something we had already planned and discussed. I asked you why it was suddenly so urgent and you said it was because you were going to be traveling and didn't know when you'd be able to see me. Okay...
Then it turns out you're calling me from a bus station nearby. You didn't mean for me to fly out, you meant for me to hurry up and catch you while you were here, before your bus left. (why you were on a bus rather than plane, I have no idea. Heh.)
So suddenly I'm there, walking into this bus station diner where you're having lunch with your Mom, the Tank and some guy who introduces himself as David. I couldn't tell if David was *with* you, he didn't exactly act like it... but he didn't not act like it either. He hopped up and introduced himself, saying it was great to meet me and he'd heard much about me. Then he started asking me all these questions about starting a business and how to make money. Weird.
I kept looking at you and there was this odd sort of urgent anticipation between us. I didn't want to be rude with your family there, but I wanted desperately to pull you aside and ask what you were doing there. And I could tell you wanted that to.
I stayed and talked for a minute then excused myself to go to the restroom, giving you a look as I turned. You waited a moment then followed. We went to another section of the diner, behind glass doors and immediately were in each other's arms, your face buried in the side of my neck as I held you so tightly I thought I might break you. We stayed locked like that, not moving, not talking. People walked by and we seemed to pay no notice. Some of them smiled. An old couple passed by and the woman commented about how sweet it was.
Then David came wandering in. I was edgy about what was about to happen, but he didn't act odd at all. I still couldn't understand who he was. If you were together and he was just playing it cool or if he was only a friend and knew that part of your little journey included seeing me. He started asking me more questions about making money as you scurried quickly back to the table. I watched you go, feeling frustrated, held back with him babbling at me while I only wanted to get to you and find out what was going on.
Eventually I made it back to the table where you were sitting again and either your mom or David said it was time to leave. Before I could say anything you looked at me, very starkly but as if you were holding back a wave. You said "Yes, Jeff, you should just go" and it was clear that you were afraid if I lingered it would cause something bad to happen. Again I was confused. Maybe your mom didn't like you seeing me. Or was it the David thing? I was still completely lost about everything.
I chose to just walk away as you suggested, but I didn't lose your gaze the entire time I backed away. With each step it looked more and more like you were going to cry and I could feel myself starting to come undone a little bit.
I made it back to the area where we had hugged and watched through the glass. All of you got up and headed out, I assume toward the buses.
I was standing next to the table where the old people were sitting and one of them said, either to me or to the world in general "That isn't right". Then, unmistakably to me "You should do something about that".
And then I woke up. An hour before the alarm and thinking to myself "I really don't need dreams like that, thanks". Heh.
It always leaves me feeling weird when I dream about you, but it's usually pleasant, like I got to share a nice moment with you again. This was different, and sort of clouded my mood a little for the first couple of hours of the morning. It was a bit like a little taste of what it was really like years ago. I guess maybe it can be seen as a metaphor for our entire time together.
Next I think I'll share my Christmas wish list. Heh, that should be entertaining. Bring a swimsuit.
Imogen Heap - The Walk
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cause you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this.
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
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